Wonky Online Services

Wonky Online Services
Transcript

PANEL 1:
(WILL walking towards his work desk…)
WILL (Thinking): “Almost forgot. Need to pay my last electric bill from the place we vacated.”

PANEL 2:
(In front of his computer, checking details online…)
WILL (Talking to himself): “Okay. I see the amount due. Let me check the full electric bill details.”

PANEL 3:
Error message from MERALCO:
MESSAGE: “Electric Power Distribution Company: ‘This bill is not available online due to one of the following: Blah-blah-blah…'”

PANEL 4:
WILL (To himself): “What? It’s been a few days, still no bill details? Damn! Anyway, I know the amount that is due. I can already make a payment.”

PANEL 5:
Error message from BPI:
MESSAGE: “Universal Bank (First Bank in the Philippines): ‘We are unable to process your bills payment transaction at this time.'”

PANEL 6:
WILL (Angry): “Happens all the time! Best and brightest, my @ss!”

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Bank Fees are Here to Stay

Bank Fees are Here to Stay
Transcript

PANEL 1:
(WILL stumbling upon banking-related matter while reading online news…)
WILL: “What? Some Philippine banks will resume charging fees for interbank fund transfers by October 1? Holy COVID-19 pandemic charges, Batman! Give us a break, please!”

PANEL 2:
WILL (Thinking): “Truth is, banks don’t need these transfer fees anymore, unlike during those manual days. It’s all electronic now. They keep doing it because Fees Income comprise a huge bulk of their revenues.”

PANEL 3:
WILL (Winking): “Oh! By the way, the fees passed on to customers go a long way in helping the banks fund the luxurious golfing lifestyles of their executives and senior officers.”

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House Moving Weekend

House Moving Weekend
Transcript

PANEL 1:
HOUSE MOVING STAFF: “Sir, where do you want all the stuff?”
WILL: “Please just put everything inside the empty room. Thanks.”

PANEL 2:
(After a couple of hours or so…)
WILL: “Hon, I already forgot how exhausting this chore can be.”
ETS: “Elevators + long lines + social distancing = exasperation! I’m so tired I can sleep on the floor now!”

PANEL 3:
(Will and Ets dozed off on the floor…)
WILL AND ETS (Snoring loudly): “Zzz! Ngork!”

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Oh, Those Simple Pleasures

Oh, Those Simple Pleasures
Transcript

PANEL 1:
ETS: “I’m home! Errand with my aunt went well. How are you, Deary?”
WILL: “Tired. Sleepy. Went straight to work after supervising stuff done at our new place.”

PANEL 2:
ETS: “Don’t worry. We’ll get all this finished soon. We had lunch at Tagaytay before driving home.”
WILL: “Would be awesome if we could go back up there again once things become safer.”

PANEL 3:
ETS: “Want awesome? Here’s a large beef shank soup from Tagaytay. There’s that marrow thing there too.”
WILL: “Wow! Just talking to Dad about that the other day! Thanks, Hon!”

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Beef Shanks vs. Missing Cat

Beef Shanks vs. Missing Cat
Transcript

(WILL in a video meeting with his youngest sister and father…)

PANEL 1:
WILL: “Hi, sis! Hi, Dad! How are you both?”
SIS2: (Appearing distraught) “My cat didn’t come home last night.”

PANEL 2:
DAD: “But I cooked a tasty beef shanks soup for lunch! Your sister loved it!”

PANEL 3:
WILL: “Wow! Haven’t had beef shanks soup in a long while. A lot of good restaurants here that serve that remain closed and I can’t get that through online ordering.”

PANEL 4:
SIS2: “Uh, my cat is missing. Want to talk about that?”
DAD: “The beef dish was tasty, my son. So tender too! Fall-off-the-bones goodness.”

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Slogan Detrimental to Agenda

Slogan Detrimental to Agenda?
Transcript

PANEL 1:
(At an anti-Duterte demonstration in Manila…)
PROTESTERS: “What do we want? Oust Duterte! Chinese puppet!”

PANEL 2:
(At Malacañang Palace…)
DUTERTE: “I am granting absolute pardon to this Joseph Scott Pemberton dude, okiedokie?”

PANEL 3:
PROTEST LEADER (displays shock at Duterte announcement)

PANEL 4:
PROTESTERS: “What do we want? Oust Duterte! American lapdog!”
VEEP ROBREDO: (Whispering to protest leader): “Hush! Keep it down. Remember, our friends in the U.S. will help us kick out Duterte.”

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Missing the Homies

Missing the Homies
Transcript

WILL on a meeting with his buddies…

PANEL 1:
WILL: “Hi, guys! Hey, Diana! Marky! Juvi! Siri! Miss you, lovely people! Darn this pandemic. Hope to see you all really soon.”

PANEL 2:
EVERYBODY: “Hello, everyone!”

PANEL 3:
WILL: “Wish we could eat out and have coffee again soon, guys.It’s really scary to be in a small enclosed place with so many people breathing the same air.”

PANEL 4:
DIANA: “Don’t forget, friends. COVID-19 cases here in Metro Manila continue to rise even as we speak.”

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Quickly Turned to Food Talk

Quickly Turned to Food Talk
Transcript

(WILL and ETS lazily lying in bed on a Saturday high noon…)

PANEL 1
ETS: “Deary, if you can be granted one wish that will come true right now, what would it be?”

PANEL 2
WILL: “A world without hate. And no more COVID-19!”

PANEL 3
ETS: “You are such a spoilsport! I was thinking you’d wish for a million dollars or some other worldly stuff.”

PANEL 4
WILL: “Oh, it’s a game? I didn’t get your drift. Anyway, you know what I want now? I wish we can have lechon or sizzling beef shanks for lunch.”

PANEL 5
ETS: “Sounds great to me! Can we add a huge bowl of nido soup and some salmon sashimi on the side?”

PANEL 6:
(Both get up from bed to order food…) 
WILL: “Sure! I’ll order the main food stuff, you get desserts somewhere else.”
ETS: “I want ice cream too.”

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Clear Enough to Understand

Clear Enough to Understand
Transcript

(WILL inside a GrabCar™️ service)

PANEL 1:
WILL (picking up a call): “Hello! I’m on my way. Sorry for the delay. Yeah, I have the materials with me. *Click*)

PANEL 2:
GRABCAR™️ DRIVER: “I’ll do my best to get there quickly. Pardon me prying, but is that your boss?”
WILL: “No. My wife. Well, actually…”

PANEL 3:
WILL: “HA-HA-HA!”
GRABCAR™️ DRIVER: “HE-HE-HE!”

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Death to Come Upon Me

Death to Come Upon Me
Transcript

(Still at Malacañang Palace…)

PANEL 1:
ROBREDO: “Why can’t you just resign? Do a Shinzō Abe! Hand over the reins of the presidency to me and watch this country soar to heights it has never seen before!”
DUTERTE: “Really, madam? The last time you guys were in charge, the only things that skyrocketed were the bottomlines of your elite crony corporations.”

PANEL 2:
ROBREDO: “How dare you impute this on us. We have always been supportive of the poorest of the poor, alleviating their conditions, championing their causes.”
DUTERTE: “Oh, you mean hacienda workers? Vagrants rounded up during APEC summits? I’m already sick with Barrett’s Esophagus and I’m going to die with all this poverty around me.”

PANEL 3:
(A man in a priestly garb shows up beside Robredo…)
ROBREDO: “You’re dying, Mr. President? Oh, my god! You need Extreme Unction administered on you immediately! You can come out now, Bishop!”
BISHOP (to Duterte): “Mr. President!”
DUTERTE (appearing shocked): (Thoughts) “Damn! These people are truly praying for death to come upon me?”

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